![]() But now I know why I have always lost women to guys like you. Winger: Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual. I'm going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin' Machine! Ha ha ha ha! And you got what, a 6 to 8 week training program here? A real tough one. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds. Anyway, it cost 400 bucks! 400 bucks to join this thing? Well I didn't have the money and I thought to myself, "Join the army"! It's free. You know these aggression training courses like EST, those type of things. Uh, he suggested taking one these uh, aggression training courses. along with a lot of pizzas! Ha Ha Ha! Pizzas! I'm basically a shy person, I'm a shy guy. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression. Soldiers: Nooo! Noooo! Oxburger: Yeah, yeah I do. You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. And I don't like nobody touching my stuff. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you. Psycho: The name's Francis Soyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. ![]() I don't care where you come from, I don't care what color you are, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how dumb you are, 'cause I'm gonna teach every last one of you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, shit like a United States soldier. When I tell you to jump, you're gonna say, "How high?" And make no mistake. Hulka: When I tell you move, you'll move fast. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one in the same. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Hulka: Men, welcome to the United States Army. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph. would they send us someplace special? Recruiter: I guess that's "no" on both. Russell: No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn. Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals? Winger: You mean like flaming? Recruiter: Well, it's a standard question we have to ask. Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing. Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls? Russell: Never. Every step of the way.ĭialogue Russell: You could join a monastery. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into real heavy combat. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting soldier that is inside each one of us. ![]() We don't have to worry about whether Captain Stillman wants to have us hung. Something seriously wrong with us! We're soldiers, but we're American soldiers! We've been kickin' ass for 200 years! We're 10 and 1! Now we don't have to worry about whether or not we practiced. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. We're all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. Who saw Old Yeller? Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end? Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure. We're mutts! Here's proof: his nose is cold! But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell's the matter with you?! Stupid! We're all very different people.
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